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Venky Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."
Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk
Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the butt

Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams

The Sneak - "Who, me?"
Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, Son of a Bitch
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"
Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--"
Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, kool  dude
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

Sardar was writing something very slowly.



Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?



Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast

Father: qutub minar kahan hai?

Son: pata nahi.



Father: kabhi ghar se bhi bahar nikla karo.

Son: jamil uncle koun hain?



Father pata nahi.

Son: kabhi ghar pe bhi ruka karo.

If cleanliness is godliness I adore soap.

A young man on his first date was nervous and calls his dad on his mobile. He was advised to talk only on three topics that are food family and philosophy and nothing else.'

True to his fathers advice the young man asked his girl ‘How about potato chips?’ She replies she don’t like them. Next he asks ‘how is your brother doing?’ The young lady says “I don’t have a brother"

The lad then uses his trump card that is philosophy, "Suppose you had a brother would you still be refusing potato chips?''

 

• Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
• Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
• Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
• Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
• Sell Girl Scout cookies.
• On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
• Shave.
• Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
• Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upsidedown.
• Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
• When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
• Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Black cat patrol coming!"
• Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
• One word: Flatulence!
• On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the coin you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
• Do yoga exercise.
• Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
• When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
• Give religious tracts to each passenger.
• Meow occasionally.
• Bet the other passengers you can fit a one rupee coin in your nose.
• Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
• Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
• Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
• Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
• Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
• Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
• Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
• Leave a box between the doors.
• Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
• Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
• Start a singalong.
• When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
• Play the harmonica.
• Shadow box.
• Say "Ding!" at each floor.
• Lean against the button panel.
• Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
• Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
• Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
• Bring a chair along.
• Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
• Blow spit bubbles.
• Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
• Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
• Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
• Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
• Wear "XRay Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
• Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
• If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
• Get on a crowded elevator on a reasonably high floor. Without saying a word, press every button, turn to the other passengers, and grin maniacally. Get off *one* floor below the the one you got on, then hurry and take the stairs down so you can meet the elevator on the next floor. When the door opens, flash the same grin and say, "You were talking about me...weren't you?"
• Another good thing to do in an elevator, is to start talking about the movie SPEED or humming the theme from it. Generally works best in express elevators.
• In a crowded elevator, bring a calculator and add up peoples weights, then inform them politely that they are over capacity.
• Charge admission.
• Ask if someone will hold your hand.
• Bring a friend and trade shoes, hats, coats etc.
• Pass out gum and see who can blow the biggest bubble.
• Bow to each passenger.
• Have someone tie your sleeves in back of you.
• Gargle.
• Floss, and then offer your floss to others politely
• Ask if someone has any gum, if they do, give it to the next passenger
• Bring a walkman and sing along to Weird Al.
• Smack your gum.
• Bring a friend and have a belching contest
• Ball room dance if it's a big elevator
• Read the dictionary
• Collect tips